Dear Pardons Canada,
Please excuse the lateness of this letter but I have been working extra shifts due to the possibility of another shut down because of covid-19, and I have not had the time or energy to write this letter.
The restaurant where I work laid off all employees during the first shut down, so the moment they re-opened and hired us all back I have been working as many shifts as possible and I have not had any free time to write this letter.
First, I want to say thank you. It is difficult to express in words the feeling of relief and gratitude that I feel to have my pardon and to be able to move forward with my life.
The most important part is that I am sober and that I have changed my behaviour and my life.
This is what I am most grateful for, the fact that I have been able to remove alcohol from my life, and that when my pardon arrived, I was already enjoying a sober and happy life.
I have done everything possible to make amends for my past mistakes. I wish I had time machine and could go back and prevent all of them from happening, but all I can do is accept responsibility for my actions and change my behaviour. I believe that all of the good things in my life are the direct result of my sobriety. It took multiple attempts to get sober, and now I am extremely confident in my continued sobriety because this is the happiest I have ever felt in my entire life. I am free. The most amazing realization is that I have no desire to drink. I am sober
and I am not fighting the temptation to drink. The temptation to drink simply does not exist because I am happy in my sobriety.
I have found balance in my life with work, hobbies, and exercise. I have been working for the same employer for over eight years and I often work over 50 hours per week. I eat healthy and I exercise regularly. I have been taking guitar lessons and it is proving an awesome creative outlet, and something positive to occupy my free time. I have researched spirituality and cognitive behavioural therapy and found a lot of benefits from practicing meditation and mindfulness and learning to live in the present, and let go of past regret and future anxiety. I still attend Alcoholics Anonymous and I read the literature from AA on a regular basis. I have been writing in a journal for a few years now and it is without a doubt the single most important action I have taken during this process; it is how I organize my thoughts and create a plan for what I want to accomplish. My physical, mental, and spiritual health have improved during my sobriety, and they each get stronger every day.
I have set up a support system with my family doctor and a select few friends and family members. When I am struggling with anxiety, depression, or learning how to process childhood trauma and abuse, I know how to reach out for help. I have spoken to my family doctor many times about sober living. One issue that has come up from time to time, especially during the early stages of my sobriety, is the idea that I could benefit from speaking with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
This is one issue that I would like to highlight because I think it is a problem for a lot of people that are trying to get an appointment with a therapist but are unable to find a therapist willing to take them on as a patient (mostly because they do not have insurance or the ability to pay out of pocket.) This is a problem that I was not able to solve for myself, but luckily I have a great support system in place and I have been self motivated to do research on my own.
My doctor recommended psychiatry treatment because it is covered by OHIP. I work in as restaurant and do not have health benefits and I cannot afford the cost of treatment. In the past two years my doctor has written around seven referrals for psychiatrists and every one of them was denied because the doctor was not seeing new patients. Finally I asked for a referral to CAMH. I was giving a single one hour phone interview with a psychiatrist who told me that is all I would receive and that after the phone call she would follow up with my family doctor with her recommendations for medication and/or therapy treatment. This was discouraging because |
was asking for help and I could not get help, even though the help I was seeking is covered by OHIP. It feels like even though psychiatry is covered by OHIP it is just a technicality because in reality it is impossible to get an appointment with a psychiatrist unless I have private insurance or I can pay out of pocket.
Maybe it is just a problem of supply and demand. I think there is so much demand for psychiatry that there simply is not enough psychiatrists to meet all of the demand. Whatever the case may be, I have found that it is impossible to get an appointment with a psychiatrist that is covered by
OHIP.
Luckily I have done a lot of work on my own to learn about cognitive behavioural therapy, and meditation, and mindfulness. I still attend AA meetings. I have been journaling for a few years. I started taking guitar lessons in order to replace the bad habit of drinking with a good habit of
learning music. I have been in regular contact with my family doctor and a select few friends and family members to maintain my commitment to sobriety. What I realize is that staying sober is easy because I am fundamentally happier this way.
I would like to repeat the fact that I have done a lot of research on my own to learn about sober living and processing past traumas and it is all working out very well for me.
I have been working at the same restaurant for over eight years and during that time I have proven myself a valuable employee. I have been given many opportunities to work many different positions, from food runner, bus boy, expeditor, banquet server, restaurant server, and I have even worked with the handyman on various projects. I have always been willing to work any shift available and any job available. At the same time I have often wondered about new career opportunities. I am excited to have the ability to go on a job interview and know that I won’t be disqualified from a new job opportunity because of a criminal record. It is like having a
new world of opportunity available to me, and I am excited and energized about the future.
Having my pardon creates a new world of opportunity for me and I am excited and grateful.
Thank you.